This month, I'm continuing the discussion on a very difficult (but necessary) topic. As pet parents, it's the day we never want to think about, but we all inevitably have to face: saying goodbye to our beloved fur friends.
I can still, two years later, vividly recall the day I had to say goodbye to my sweet Lillian. I had just lost her brother, Shamu, a matter of weeks prior. And in Shamu's absence, Lilly lost her desire to continue. She had been suffering an increasingly long list of aging concerns and health troubles. But she had been doing relatively good, prior to Shamu's passing. She had a purpose. She was nicknamed "Nurse Lil", because of her natural tendencies toward caring for everyone in the family (both pet and human). But once Shamu was out of her care, she began to decline rapidly. It became more clear that her hearing and vision loss had caused her to slip into long periods of sleeping, and general lethargy. She didn't desire to eat much, or to interact with me. She would simply sleep. She began having difficulty getting around, and just had no zest for life any longer. After some time, talks with her doc, lots of consideration, and even more tears,...it was determined that it was time to say goodbye. A decision that still brings tears to my eyes, and a lump to my throat, as I type this. But I know it was the correct decision. And though it's a decision that none of us ever want to make, it often is one we must face at some point.
So I hope this discussion can help someone, who is unfortunately facing this devastating reality, to feel more confident about making the correct decision for their pet. Below, I'll cover some basics of how (and when) may be the right time to say farewell.
You’re not ‘giving up’ on your pet
But it can sometimes feel like giving up on them, right? The decision to actively choose not to pursue further medical care, or to release a beloved pet from life through euthanasia, or even to just accept that your pet will soon leave you, is undeniably difficult. It's a deeply personal choice fraught with grief and a yearning to hold onto your beloved pet forever. As a pet industry person, and big ol’ pet lover, so many of my customers and friends have shared their stories with me or asked me for advice. Every day, I witness the unwavering bond my customers share with their pets. That's why I’d like to offer some guidance what I’ve learned – both in my own experience and from veterinary experts -- on navigating this emotional terrain, to help you recognize the signs that might indicate it's time to say goodbye with love and grace.
Add joy now to every day you have!
The best way to make end-of-life decisions easier is to treat you and your pet to as many days of fun, adventure, play, and great food as you are able. The more you live your life as besties, the easier it is to celebrate rather than mourn when you are no longer together. Even if it’s just an extra cuddle or scratch at the end of the day, or a special treat each morning when you pour your cup of Joe, add an intentional something ‘extra’ to you and your pet’s day right now – or simply by mindful of the joy you already share together - whether they’re a pup or a senior.
How can you tell if your pet has good quality of life
Recognizing (and accepting) a pet’s decline can be tough. When a pet is young, if they limp, we visit the vet to fix the problem. When they are older, you must think: could this be a sign of age that can be managed with your vet’s help and some comfortable changes at home, or a sign that the end of their life is growing closer more quickly than you expected?
This doesn’t mean the end of life is sad and uncomfortable for pets. In fact, animals seem to accept changing physical limitations with a lot more optimism than we humans! But there are signs of aging or illness that you should keep an eye out for, that indicate an overall declining quality of life.
- Can your pet no longer navigate their environment with ease? Are they struggling to get up, go for walks, or use the litter box?
- Is your pet experiencing chronic pain that medication struggles to control?
- Is your pet disinterested in food, even their favorite treats?
- Has your once playful pet become lethargic, withdrawn, and uninterested in activities they used to enjoy?
- Is your pet struggling with bladder or bowel control, leading to accidents?
- Does your pet exhibit labored breathing, coughing, or excessive panting?
If after noticing changes in your pet’s behavior (and after visiting your veterinarian, of course!) you’re still not certain if your pet is on a continual decline or has just landed on a new normal, you can track "good days" and "bad days" on a calendar. PetMD also describes a ‘quality of life scale’ [LINK to https://www.petmd.com/dog/general-health/signs-dog-dying] you can use. This extra bit of insight into your pet’s daily behavior can help you fill their days with extra comfort and care.
Look for signs of joy!
However, daily trackers and numeric health ratings usually just aren’t enough for a pet lover’s heart. What I say to my friends and customers, when they ask “how do I know if it’s time” is…ask your pet.
I ask: “What has always seemed to give your pet the most joy?” Every pet is different. Some love their treats or favorite toy. Some always want to be cuddled up against you. Some love hanging with their furry buddies. My dogs always long walks, and even longer snuggles with their dog siblings. The day Lilly no longer was excited about her long walks, treats, play time, and any of the daily activities she once loved, I knew she wasn’t finding the same joy in life she had earlier.
On the other hand, sometimes a dog will be wagging their tail happily right up until the day they pass away. Some pets dealing with serious medical conditions have a sparkle of happiness in their eye no matter how creaky their joints seem to be!
I believe if we watch and listen to our pets, they do let us know. When usually they love being beside us, or with another pet, but begin sleeping alone in another room, when they no longer seem to enjoy what they eat, or when they show no interest in laying in their favorite patch of sun then I believe our heart is asking us to prepare for a goodbye.
Communicate with your veterinarian
Yes, ask your pet, but ask your vet, too! Even if your pet is young, bring up end-of-life decisions at your next veterinary visit. Sadly, accidents and sudden illnesses do happen, and you’ll want to know your veterinarian’s emergency procedures in advance. If they don’t offer after-hours emergency care or home euthanasia, ask for a referral for an emergency clinic or home-visit veterinarian, so you’ll never be scrambling for help should you need it.
If you’ve never experienced the euthanasia of a pet, talk to your veterinarian, as each clinic has a slightly different procedure. Some people want to be with their pet. Others want to be nearby and say goodbye but leave the pet during the actual procedure because they worry their tears will upset them. Every situation, and every pet, is unique. And we must both do what is best for our pets, and well as what is best for ourselves and our own peace of mind.
Don't hesitate to bring up your concerns at the vet clinic, even if you know you’ll be blinking back tears. Your veterinarian understands. They've seen this journey countless times and will likely welcome this open conversation. By talking it through now, you’ll both feel more prepared for whatever path lies ahead for your beloved companion.
Celebrate amidst sadness
While this is a decision that is personal to every pet parent, creating a final ritual, like sharing a special meal or visiting their favorite park, may help with the difficulty of saying goodbye. Both Shamu and Lilly had many special meals and treats, in their last days with me. Lilly was obsessive about popcorn. And what dog doesn’t love cheese? So popcorn and cheese crisps were absolutely on the menu.
You can also plan a lasting tribute to your pet. Planting a flowering shrub in their memory, donating to an animal shelter in their name, or assembling a memory box filled with cherished photos and keepsakes are all ways to keep their spirit nearby. Over the years, many of my lovely customers have shared their memorials with me. They often choose to include their pet’s ID tag and collar in their memorial corners or shelves. It warms my heart to have provided something that can be held onto as a keepsake and a lasting memory of their pets.
Coping with grief and loss from the loss of a pet
Even media-hardened celebrities have broken down in tears publicly discussing their pet’s death. The pain of losing a beloved pet is real. Don’t feel awkward taking a personal or sick day from work if you need time to reflect and compose yourself. Call an animal-loving friend to talk. Posting a farewell on social media, even a simple one, can let your closest friends and family know about your loss. Some of them will appreciate the opportunity to reach out to you privately as well, rather than finding out weeks later.
There are also professional resources that may also help you and your family cope with grief:
- The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. [LINK TO https://www.aplb.org/support/]
- Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice. [LINK TO https://www.lapoflove.com/]
Remember, you're not alone
At Sofa City Sweethearts, I have experienced and understand the heartbreak of losing a pet. And as I get to know my customers over the years, they (and their pets) become a part of my extended family. I see your sweet photo shares, your funny Instagram reels, and yes…your moving tributes to your departed fur babies. I share in your joys and your heartbreak. And I am always one message away, if you ever need a kind ear.